BDSM explained, the true meaning of BDSM

BDSM: is shorthand for bondage and discipline (BD), domination and submission (DS), and sadomasochistic play (SM) between responsible and consenting adults; just as consent separates sex from rape, so to does consent separate BDSM from abuse.

BDSM is not a psychological disorder.
The paraphilias of sexual sadism and sexual masochism have specific and limited criteria which differentiate these from BDSM as we define it. BDSM, when done properly, may cause intense feelings, but not physical and/or emotional damage. In fact, organised sports can cause far more damage than BDSM.

BONDAGE:
use of physical restraints to achieve various degrees of immobilisation.

DISCIPLINE:
practice which produces discomfort for the purpose of sexual or emotional arousal.

DOMINATION:
imposing one's will on another for the enjoyment of both partners; high level of psychological play.

SUBMISSION:
yielding to another's will for the enjoyment of both partners; high level of psychological play.

SADOMASOCHISM (SM):
a term referring to the intense physical sensations enjoyed by the masochist and given by the sadist; this term is uncomfortable for many people because of its association with historical figures of disputable moral character.

SCENE:
the period of time, either defined beforehand or during the course of the interaction, where BDSM roles and BDSM activities take place; also a verb meaning to engage in BDSM activity. 'The Scene' refers to people who feel they are part of a BDSM community.

NEGOTIATION:
the process of expressing interest in a BDSM scene, exchanging information about preferences and limits, and deciding whether or not to play, and for what duration of time.

LIMIT:
activities, words or scenarios which the person does not wish to experience for either physical or emotional reasons.

SAFEWORD:
a code word, often a word not used in everyday or in sexual contexts, which indicates that the interaction needs to stop or that an activity needs to be changed; use of a safeword allows the 'bottom' to express desires and feelings which make them feel good but which can be interpreted, and should be interpreted in non-negotiated interactions, as a signal to stop; the best example is someone who feels the need to say 'no' to sexual activity, because they were raised to believe such matters are bad, yet does not wish for the activity to stop; use of a safeword also gives the 'top' the opportunity to further explore their partner's and their own sexuality and limits without having to constantly stop the scene to ask if the partner is OK.

TOP:
tone who takes control of the activities of a scene; can refer to both physical and psychological play.

BOTTOM:
one who gives over a degree of power to another; can refer to both physical and psychological play.

DOM:
one who takes control of the activities of a scene; often refers to a much greater level of psychological play between partners during a scene.

SUB:
one who gives over a degree of power to another; often refers to a much greater level of psychological play between partners during a scene.

FLOGGER:
an item which produces sensations ranging from a hard massage to hard slapping; i.e., a multi-tailed whip which may be made of materials ranging from soft nylon to deerskin to rubber.

VANILLA:
non-BDSM sexual or physical interactions or interests; someone who only engages in these.

October 2006