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| Beware of new virus outbreaks Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB. AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus. Politically Correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism." Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. Government Economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. New World Order virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it. Bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer. Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error). Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. Airline virus: You're in London but your data is in Singapore. Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard. Sky TV virus: Your programmes stop every few minutes to ask for money. Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self distructs only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America. Nike virus: Just does it. Imelda Marcos virus: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Bank account and spends it all on expensive shoes. Star Trek virus: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before. |
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