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| It's great being a man Your last name doesn't change. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water theme park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You don't give a rat's ass if anyone notices you've had your haircut. The world is your urinal. Same work... more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress £500; rent a suit 50 quid. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood ALL the damn time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. A 10-day holiday requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. Dry cleaners and hair dressers don't rob you blind. You can kill your own food. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is £3.95 for a 3-pack. If you're 34 and single, nobody notices. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You don't feel you have to clean your flat just cos someone is coming round. You can quietly watch a game with a mate for hours without thinking: "He must be mad at me". You don't desire another person's dessert. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. You're not expected to know the names of more than 5 or 6 colours. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. You never have strap problems in public. You're unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. The same hairdresser lasts for years, maybe decades. You don't have to shave below your neck. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons. You can do your nails with a pen knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on 24th December in under 45 minutes. 2001 |
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